Dear World,
Happy New Year! I suppose that should be the start being that it is now 2012. Hard to believe another year has gone by. When I look to the future it seems so far away but when I look back, it seems like only yesterday I was having a child, getting out of the military or graduating. Time really does fly. I guess that's what's on my mind tonight - how quickly time goes. I try very hard to live my life with no regrets - not saying I don't have any or that I haven't done or not done things I wish I had/had not but that truly is something I aspire to....no regrets. So then you come to the point of "will I regret more if I do or more if I don't?" I regret the times I drank and drove, the drugs I tried, and the people I've hurt...especially myself. And I mostly regret the men I've had but not all. Is that wrong? I know it's a sin and so for that reason I repent but I think that everything I've done has gotten me to this point in life. Webster's defines regret as "to be sorry for" among its definitions and so I suppose I am sorry for bad choices but I still believe that they got me here...now. Not to say that if I'd finished college the first time around (in whatever major), met a lovely Christian man, fallen in love and built a life that it wouldn't be a perfectly good life but it wouldn't be the life I know. And I know, had I done those things I wouldn't know that I was missing something but I think that is what makes my motto a good one. I wouldn't go back and change anything I've ever done/not done, said/not said that might change where I am now. I have an amazing life!
I guess I often come off sounding like a pollyanna and I don't mean to be. And people think I'm always happy and laughing and it's not so. I've just seen and been through some very dark times and can now truly appreciate every moment of light in my life. God has given me so much and I choose to see the joy in life. So if that makes me a pollyanna then I guess I am. I just hope that I pass this on to my child and those close to me, that they can live their lives in the sunshine.
My child told me yesterday that she believes she's a pessimist - glass half-empty kind of person. She said that way she's rarely disappointed. If the glass is half-full then people and life will often seem to let you down but if it's half-empty then you don't expect people or life to be great and you're surprised and happy when they are but not let down when they don't. Sad to say I see some logic in her words but I realized that it doesn't make her a bad or disappointing person, quite the opposite. Here's an example:
Tonight, she and her bestie went to the local pizza/arcade/money pit for small kid's that most towns seem to have. They played games and won about 500 tickets to be traded into for some trinket that you can get at a dollar store for way less than was spent tonight. As they were perusing the counter for what to blow their reward on, they noticed a young girl who apparently had only a fraction of the tickets they had won. Without much discussion they offered the girl their entire winnings. She thought they were teasing at first and was kind of irritated until she realized they meant it. Her face lit up, her dad couldn't thank them enough and even the manager made several comments about their kindness. She may think she sees life in a half-empty sort of way but her heart (and her bestie's heart) to others makes the world see it in half-full. Man, I love my kid (and her best friend)!
Wow! Didn't intend to ramble like this but it feels cathartic. Thanks for reading and may your 2012 be so amazingly blessed that you want to pass on the blessings to others. May your cup overflow as ours do! God bless and live life with no regrets!
ciao
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