dear cont'd

did some thinking and realized i didn't end the last one quite right.

• be the friend i want others to be.  
• make an effort for people - be they friends, potential friends or strangers.
• take a chance on people - yep, they'll often screw me over but which will i regret more?
• step outside my comfort zone - especially for friends, who knows what new discoveries await me from others - new music, new people, new art, new shows, new pics, so much is out there!
• trust more, love more, forgive more - i screw up as much as anyone else and would hope for such understanding from my friends
• realize others are struggling to make this life work, too, and shouldn't i put in as much energy as i would hope others are?
• be an example to others as a Christian, a woman, a friend, a "fill-in-the-blank"

think that sums it all up rather nicely...i need to be the best "me" that God created 
   

dear petty people

that would include me, too.  i'm recently figuring out that i am petty..sometimes very petty.  especially when it concerns my baby.  and that she is often much more self-possessed (look it up) than i am, even now at this date...but my best friend reminds me that she always has been. and that's where this is going..to best friends or to friends in general.
this started out as a rant against pettiness, mine own included, but as i thought about it i realized rather than griping i wanted to thank people.
thank you to friends, especially close ones.  friends who work to maintain friendships especially when one of them is feeling lazy about it.  friendship is a two-way street and sometimes one person may carry more of the load than the other and it often see-saws back and forth but knowing someone cares enough to keep working on you is such a blessing.
thank you to friends who listen and work to see things from the other's perspective.  when two people try to see situations and emotions from the other's eyes then it gives a friendship so much strength.  even if you don't always agree with what they're expressing emotionally when you stop and say i understand what you're going through then it helps the other so much to know that you care enough to try and put yourself in their shoes....to feel what they're feeling can help a heart so much.
thank you to people who want to befriend even when the other may not recognize it.  looking back i see moments when i could've made friends, when others were open to it and i walked away or sabotaged myself so thank you to those people for trying.  it was my own stupidity, stubbornness, laziness that ruined a possibility and i apologize for being an idiot.
thank you to those people who hurt and cause pain in friendships because it makes one recognize who their true friends are, who are the ones worth putting time into.  who are the ones who take the time to respond, who may struggle sometimes to understand you but they make the effort?  those are the ones worth your time...not the ones who blow you off, who never return your messages, never return the effort.  if you've tried time and again to connect and they put you last in their time then are they really worth it?  so i thank you petty people who think someone isn't worth your time because someone else has realized they are a fantastic person, someone worth getting to know and you're the one who'll be missing out. 
my best friend lives about 1500 miles away and she's been there for over 10 years.  we are very  very different people and yet we make it work.  some weeks we'll talk or text several times a week other times it'll be once a month.  but we make it work, we've both worked to keep this friendship going.  and no one gets her like me and no one gets me like her. 
so appreciate the friends you've got who make you feel worthwhile, important, a person worth knowing.  treasure the new people who want to be friends...they don't all have to be your best friends but count them as people worth knowing.  and let go of the ones who don't count you as important...mourn the passage of the friendship and remember it fondly but don't drag yourself down with something that has passed.  it had its time and maybe its time to move on.

apologies on the length of the rant but it needed to come out...much like verbal diarrhea.

dear crappy weekend

i sit here listening to my young'in sniff and sneeze, knowing there are kiddos and parents questioning why the same person gets the lead roles in everything, wondering why some parents can be so hurtful about kids they haven't taken the time to know, thinking that sometimes you just have crappy weekends.  i know my kiddo and her bff haven't had the best weekend and they had a speed bump or two...they seem to be somewhat out of sync with each other right now and i'm praying they'll figure it out.  they've worked too hard to have the friendship they have to not fight for it.  mine is fighting a heckuva headcold and has to sing for the next couple of days..i hurt for her.  she's been trying to write a personal note to her boy for valentine's day and was struggling with it but think she's finally getting it figured out.  she's not good at expressing herself verbally when it comes to emotional things.  and then there's her bff's who had been cruising along for the past month getting to know a boy she'd known for a while in a whole new way.  looked like everything had been going well then WHAM!  his mom finds out and thinks she's not good enough for her son, that her big bro had done some bad things in the past and so she's painted with the same brush.  what kind of crap is that?  sometimes parents just tick me off - they don't think at all.  his mom doesn't even know her nor has she given her a chance...people are plain stupid. then to top it off - casting came out for the spring musical & the same girl who's gotten the lead parts since about 6th or 7th grade, got the lead again.  i understand that she's talented, we all get that, but how can anyone else show that they have talent or try out their dreams if she gets every great role handed to her?  i know it's not all her fault...fault lies in the hands of the those deciding who gets the parts.  but people get to the point of "why even try out for a good role" if she's up for it?  oh...and they might be making the cheerleaders tryout when they've NEVER had to?  and there are some jr high girls who are getting way too big for their cheer britches?  they seem to think that they can boss around the varsity girls and that since they have money that they are better?  going so far as to tell the current varsity captain that she probably wouldn't make it thru the tryouts next year and wouldn't have to worry about cheering next year....these girls are getting ridiculous!
so i guess that's the end of my weekend...watching some awards show, chillin' with my kid.  that kind of ending can make the whole crappy weekend sorta disappear...amazing how snuggling up with a loved one or two can change your whole attitude.
be well friends

dear people who want to be someone else sometimes

boy do i understand that.  last time i griped about people being jealous and hurtful to my child.  today i confront the inner green demons of my own.  even at the ripe, young age that i am (hehehe) i still have moments when i want to be someone else or i'm jealous of others....boy do i ever understand.  sometimes it's as silly as wanting to be someone like pauley perrette (abby on ncis) or christina aguilera (that voice!) but mostly it's the common folk, my own people, my friends.  like several of the mothers who have husbands who come home to them, help support them, snuggle and rub their feet (is that wishing too much?)...but you get the idea.  especially those husbands who have great enough jobs that it allows the wives to not work outside the home for a living - yes, i said it, there are times when i would like to be a pampered, stay at home wife/mom....getting the nails done, hair done, massages, volunteering...but i digress. 
where was i?  ah, yes, jealousy and wanting to be someone else.  when i day dream of being someone else, i rarely stop to think about what it would REALLY be like to be in someone else's shoes.  makes me wonder if behind that bright smile is she really thinking about the fight she had with her husband earlier and how she's going to make ends meet if they really split up or worrying about her mom now that she's started her 2nd regimen of chemo.  do we ever really stop to think about what is really happening in the lives of those we wish we could be?  i don't..i just see what i believe to be that perfect life and wish it was mine.
that leads me to the other side...needing to learn to be content...nay even happy with me...just the way God made me.  well, at least the way He wants me..lol.  i am an amazing child of God and i need to remember that.  he created me beautiful, smiley, dark, twisty and everything in between.  sometimes it's a chore to remember to be happy in my own skin...not wanting to crawl into another's.  and maybe when i have these moments, instead of wallowing in my desire to be someone else i should use it as an opportunity to praise God for the me that i am.  it'll be a struggle but with His help then i believe i can get there. 
but when the jealousy starts, instead of allowing it to run over me, drowning in it, i need to reach out to the lifesaver that is Christ and remember that i am a pretty freaking amazing person!  people like me, even love me, and i am incomparable to anyone else! and what's even worse, i bet most of the same people that i am jealous of and wanting to be...sometimes want to be me!  isn't that just a hoot - i'm driving myself crazy and they're secretly feeling the same way...life is so twisted this way.
anyway, suppose that's enough ranting for now.  hope i didn't bore you too much and maybe it'll help someone.

later days